


Buying Stars

by avatarkadaj



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, I'd use archive tags but I don't want to spoil it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:10:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4509063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatarkadaj/pseuds/avatarkadaj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Consider a world where Anakin didn't have his memories of Mortis taken from him. Anakin is not the same; neither is everyone else. Now that he has this information; what will he do with it?</p><p>This fic was inspired by a couple of tumblr discussions I took part of. </p><p>The title is inspired from the song, "Buy The Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds. One of the most Anakin songs I know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey home from Mortis is a little different than how it once was, in a different life. Space is cold and the Force is unpleasant. 
> 
> [Advice Quip: Memories are a permanent alteration; therefore change is a permanent state.]

Space had never felt so cold. It felt empty and yet suffocating and he felt alone. He knew he wasn't, of course. Anakin almost sluggishly glanced at his companions, his Master and his padawan, the latter of whom was curled on the passenger bench, asleep. He might have smiled, on a different day; Ahsoka looked relieved to sleep and she'd been through so much.

So much, because of him.

So many things wrong because of him.

He internally shook the thought away, and turned his attention to Obi-Wan. He looked in concentrated thought as he stared out at space, seeing through it, past it.

It was silent and tense and Anakin didn't like it. He felt like a rubber band about to snap, pulled a little too hard. He was exhausted, and he knew Obi-Wan was too. But he also knew Obi-Wan was going to be pensive as he considered what exactly they were going to tell the Council, if anything about this entire ordeal. They hadn't processed its entirety, much less thought of a coherent explanation to the Jedi Council. He certainly wasn't going to leave him to be pensive on his own.

He was too tired to talk, and he didn't want to talk about it either. If possible, he'd like to forget it, pretend it never happened. It was so bizarre, pushing on the suspension of belief, that he thought maybe with enough time it would become just some distant dream, something on the edges of his subconscious with no facts that it happened.

But he was Anakin Skywalker, whom disaster and tragedy trailed, so he doubted that would happen.

Even the Force felt cold, but he didn't know if that was because they were still wrapped in the sensation of Mortis or because the idea of the Force was repulsing him. The images flashed behind his eyelids when he closed them, the Force bent to his will, a surge of power but in the way of a deadly killer, cruel, unstoppable. It made him sick to his gut, and the Force roiled around him, like stormy weather held back by a wind keeping it from actually touching him.

He looked to Obi-Wan and he wanted to touch the Force the way he did. He knew that look on his face, blue eyes distant and unseeing and holding the wisdom of a thousand lifetimes. And when he closed his eyes after some time had passed, the peace that echoed from him was tangible. The Force was home to his Master, and he too had felt comfortable in it before the excursion to Mortis.

He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to clear his mind, to let go--to do something, even if that meant meditating and nearing the Force for all it made him uncomfortable. He spent a long time evening his breathing, focusing his energy outward. He attempted after some nameless time - minutes? hours? - to gently reach out into the Force, like prodding a moving current and asking for entry.

He recoiled like a man burned--the Force was so cold, like ice, sharp and stinging. The Force had always been easy to feel and use and now it wasn't. He breathed harshly through his nose as he opened his eyes. Yanking himself, his own Force presence, away from the core Force, residing on the edge where he could still feel it on the extremes of his senses but not be clouded by the harshness of it.

He looked first to Ahsoka, checking if his padawan had seen his sudden reaction or had felt it in their Force bond. But she was still asleep, curled up on the bench with her back to him and her hands shielding her lekku from the rough, unforgiving surface.

It was Obi-Wan who had noticed.

He had that look on his face that suggested he wanted to talk, Master to former Padawan, and Anakin didn't want to talk right now in any form.

"No." He decided to cut it off right at the source.

"Anakin, we need to talk about what happened--"

"No," he repeated, colder, harsher, leveling a look at Obi Wan.

But Obi-Wan had dealt with his looks and his glares for many years and remained unflinching. "Anakin," he said again, more emphatically.

It wasn't like he was wrong, but that also didn't require him to like it or even do it. He kept up his scowl, wordlessly. It was tense as a snake about to strike, the pause before the venom. But the venom didn't come, as Obi-Wan sighed and looked away.

"Not now," he conceded, "but we will talk."

Anakin didn't argue, and that was a compromise as any.

"Right then."

Obi-Wan's gaze shifted back to the stars whirling by too quick to see on their own, watching them as if he could pick them out. Anakin eventually looked there too, and the silence was like the discordant sea. It would be a long way to Coruscant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow start, but I promise it will build. I set out this chapter as a means of introductions and setting the mood. The "actual" plot will begin with the next chapter.
> 
> This fic was inspired by a couple of tumblr discussions I took part of.
> 
> The title is inspired from the song, "Buy The Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds. One of the most Anakin songs I know.


	2. To Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confronting the Council is never easy, and recovery begins for our heroes. 
> 
> [Advice Quip: To trust is not to go blindly, but to know there will be a light to show the way in the dark.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a problem with doing things in media res. Am I lazy? Am I artistic? Who knows! 
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes of any sort, I don't have a beta and don't intend on getting one because reasons.
> 
> There's some hint at sex toward the end of the chapter, for all those it might make uncomfortable. Anidala is canon, so, it's staying in this AU.

Ahsoka woke shortly before the left hyperspace, nearing Coruscant, sitting up groggily. She rubbed her eyes and looked to Obi-Wan and Anakin, wondering if they got any rest, knowing they needed it. But the tired look in their eyes before they noticed her watching them told her they didn't. She wondered when they would.

Anakin noticed his padawan awake. "How ya feeling, Snips?"

His tone was light, casual, to take the edge off the reality. The sincerity was there, though.

She paused before answering. "Groggy. And like… I'm missing something. My head feels fuzzy."

Obi-Wan and Anakin shared a meaningful glance but neither divulged any information.

"That is to be expected. We'll take you to the healers when we arrive on Coruscant," Obi-Wan informed her. A move of caution; a move to keep her out of the Council's chamber.

Anakin didn't know how he felt about that, but he didn't move to counter the Jedi Master's decision.

Ahsoka didn't argue, either, but she was still wasn't looking quite like herself yet.

The remaining minutes were comfortably silent.

                                                                                                                                                    --

"Master Kenobi, Skywalker, you're telling us you were on a planet that was the Force?"

Master Windu's words were the collective summary of the Council's feelings, and the others seemed relieved he'd been the one to point it out for them. Master Shaak Ti had kind eyes, but the sense of disbelief still hung about her despite her facial attempt to mask it. Only Master Yoda was completely unreadable, looking up at the younger Jedi thoughtfully.

"I know it is a lot to ask you to believe us, and the fact our--Anakin's padawan has few recollections of the incident doesn't help our case, but please try to understand," Obi-Wan answered, playing the Negotiator as always.

Anakin nodded, looking to Obi-Wan with a silent thank you over their bond. He was never one for Council report. Additionally with the sense he was still reeling from the ordeal, whether he admitted it or not, he would have blundered through this as well, agitated and overwrought. His old Master's presence helped put him at ease, or more at ease. There was a palpable mix of feelings in the chamber; varying degrees of disbelief, thoughtfulness, consideration, rejection. The longer they stood in silence, the more irritable and uneasy Anakin became. He knew it happened, knew it was real and if they didn't believe him, didn't trust--

He clamped down on the thought and took a steady breath.

Obi-Wan glanced to him subtly, and a hand gesture behind Anakin's back signaled he was alright. He left Obi-Wan to make his own assumptions; exhausted, emotionally drained, uncomfortable with the Council in general.

"Mysterious, the Force is," Yoda said finally. "And strange the truth is. Time we will need to think further, however. Very odd this is. More discussion to be had. A week's leave, you shall have. Much rest you need."

Obi-Wan and Anakin nodded and bowed respectfully to the Council.

"Thank you, Master Yoda," Anakin added.

"You are dismissed," Master Windu said firmly with a nod towards the door and the two departed without another word.

\--

"Hey Snips, what's the word from the healers?"

Anakin's voice was soothing and informal, his usual self. The effort was difficult, but Ahsoka was important to him, and for her to believe nothing horrible happened on Mortis was his top priority.

She looked up at him with a shrug. "They said it was normal to feel like that after a long, hard mission. But also that knowing exactly what happened would be better. They didn't detect any permanent injuries so I guess I'm alright, Master. Just need some rest."

"I'm glad to hear it," he said with an easy smile, addressing the latter part of her answer, attempting to skirt around the middle.

"Master, shouldn't we talk about -- "

"Not now, Ahsoka."

The use of her real name over her usual teasing title indicated he was serious. There was a defiant look brewing in her eyes, a frown quirking her mouth but he was quick to assuage her.

"We will, I promise, we just -- we should process it all first. And I don't want to interfere with your rest," he soothed, resting his real hand on her shoulder. The contact was almost hesitant, but he hoped she wouldn't notice.

There was a flash of malcontent across their Force bond but he deflected it, moving on to add, "We have a week's leave. We will talk."

"You just don’t want to," she countered, and she tried to lighten it with a triumphant smile but they both knew how right she was.

He was on the edge of looking exasperated but she added words of comfort of her own before he could get a word out.

"I understand, Master," she said seriously. "But I'm holding you to telling me what all happened with you there. I don't like not knowing what's going on in your head, Skyguy."

A reversal of the name play. He offered a half smile for her.

"Go rest, I'll be there soon."

She nodded and headed to their room.

                                                                                                                                      --

500 Republica, the apartment of Senator Amidala specifically, was an excellent choice of a place to rest, despite its taboo of his presence not meant to be there. Anakin surprised her with a visit, in part because he missed his wife and wished to see her and also because it gave him an out so he didn't have to speak with Obi-Wan. At least, not yet. He wanted some reprieve before throwing himself back into the effects from Mortis.

"Ani!" Padme greeted cheerfully when he entered, carrying a dish.

He greeted her with a kiss to the cheek, holding the dish away so as to not hit her with it by accident. "Surprise."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her smile reaching her warm eyes.

"Thought I'd drop by. I'm on leave for the week."

They talked as they crossed the threshold and came to rest on the lavish couch, turned inward toward each other after Anakin set the tray of assorted easy foodstuffs on the glass table. Their knees gently touched, his arm over her shoulder, her hand touching, nearly ghosting over his hand. Even in his resistance to put too much of himself into the Force, and with her unable to control what she exuded, her happiness at their unexpected reunion was tangible.

"Leave? Why?" There was an undercurrent of curiosity with her happiness.

"Strenuous mission -- Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and I all have the week to rest and recuperate," he answered vaguely.

Concern clouded her features. "That strenuous, even with the war? Are you alright?"

Her dark eyes searched his face but all she could see on the surface was exhaustion tinging the joy of being with her, his usual expression around her.

"It was very… different from the usual front lines. An unexpected turn of events," he explained. "We're alright, but the Council suggested they needed more time to consider what we told them. Ahsoka was the most affected; the rest is mostly for her benefit, really."

Padme watched his face carefully as he spoke. She suspected there was more in his hesitation and his answer was too vague for her liking. But under his relaxed mood with her, she could see the exhaustion, the need for peace in the lines in his face. She bit her lip as she considered pushing it to be sure he was alright; but the fact that she would have to push gave her the answer. Unwilling to upset him and break their happy spell - such a rare thing, as the war raged on and the Senate stirred with discontentment - she settled to prod later, when she knew he'd be more willing to answer.

"Alright," she said finally, watching him release a breath he probably didn't realize he was holding. "I hope she'll be okay. And you and Obi-Wan, of course."

He smiled a little and kissed her nose gently. "So thoughtful of you. I'm sure we'll be okay."

The inclusion of himself, however unintended, solidified her suspicion that something serious had happened, that they would need to talk openly about the details of the mission or event, or whatever it was. She was no Jedi, but she was his wife and they needed to be honest, even if she could never fully understand what he was going through.

Anakin did intend to talk to her - perhaps not to the full extent, perhaps not recounting the memories and visions and the depth to which they went when there was so much Jedi philosophy that she wasn't a part of entwined into it - but not now. He wanted, needed a moment to just relax, to let go. Maybe it was unorthodox, maybe it wasn't right to do it this way, but he didn't care. He loved her. That mattered.

They leaned in for a kiss, starting chaste and working their way up to passionate. Dish forgotten and worries cast aside with his hands starting to undo her elaborate hairstyle, it was decided there wouldn't be talking for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally intended to have a scene between Barriss and Ahsoka in here but I didn't feel confident writing her just yet. Maybe she'll show up later? Maybe not? Who knows; that's for me to know and you to find out. 
> 
> From here, I'm not sure how frequent updates will be, but, I will finish this, one way or another.


	3. Coping Mechanisms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coping can be an isolating thing.  
> [Advice Quip: Insistence creates progress. Stagnation encourages suffering.]

Anakin, returning to the Temple without suspicion, carried out the rest of his leave quietly. But quiet and peace were not synonymous and quiet did not come naturally nor without raising questions from his usual companions. However, he made use of his time with fixing droids, tinkering with them and pulling them apart. It was solitary and made use of his hands. Best of all, it didn't allow room for talk or consideration. A distraction, a mechanism of avoidance.

Guilt gnawed at him when he paused, remembering his promise to Ahsoka.

_I promise, we will talk._

It was selfish, to keep alone and to keep distancing when they would talk. Regardless of his own feelings, it was unhealthy to keep her in the dark when she needed to talk about what happened to her, to all of them. Yet he was unprepared to tell her of his own experiences, feeling a wave of suffocating negativity when he allowed himself to think about Mortis. How could he confess what happened to her - because of him, all of it because of him - without falling apart? He knew the talk was inevitable, that it would all come to light. But currently, the thought of sitting down and telling her the truth -- the visions, the distortion, the change in her voice _don't call me that I hate it when you call me that_ \-- It made him want to vomit or yank his hair out.

Besides, she hadn't come to him yet. He knew Snips; if she had something to say, she'd say it. She was fast and relentless when it came to her feelings - something he feared she learned from him, or rather he'd done nothing to reprimand. Perhaps she had her own feelings to sort out. Perhaps she remembered all on her own and didn't want to talk to him now. Perhaps a lot of things.

Rather than focus on perhaps, he'd rather build this droid again. Round and round the cycle went, finding something new to fix. And something else kept breaking.

\--

"What if I did something wrong?"

Barriss Offee looked up from where she was fixing her hair in headscarf to look at Ahsoka in the mirror. She caught her friend's eyes in the reflection, big and blue and scared. She gave her a sympathetic look before turning to her.

"Ahsoka, don't you think he would tell you?" she asked, moving to sit next to her on the bed.

The Togruta Padawan sat with her elbows resting on her knees, looking dejected and worried. The markings that took place of eyebrows were creased inward, and she looked back to the floor between her feet.

"I thought Sk--Master Skywalker would, but he hasn't talked to me since we've been on leave. It's like he's avoiding me, Barriss," she replied, catching herself on the almost name slip-up.

Barriss hummed thoughtfully. "Master Luminara and I often do not have emotional talks after long missions. Perhaps he needs time as much as you need to talk."

Ahsoka considered that for a minute. She had observed the relationship of Master Unduli and her Padawan. They held each other in mutual respect and at arm's length. There was no comfort, no warmth that she and her own Master shared. However, there was possible truth to her words; because her Master had so many emotions bared - where other Jedi didn't - it was likely he needed time to work through them, much longer than she did. She was a confused teenager, he an adult who was feeling… feeling something but she couldn't pin point what. Their Force bond was unusually quiet, instead of thrumming with emotion. Touching along it, she could feel he was tightly wound - and guarded. She didn't have the skill to push past his barrier, at least, not using the Force.

"Master Skywalker is known for his passion and emotion as much as his skill, Ahsoka," Barriss went on, taking her friend's silence for more than contemplation. "If he was angry with you, I have no doubt he would show it."

That much was true. Thinking back, the first time she'd worked with Barriss, back on Geonosis, she and Anakin had been arguing when Barriss and Luminara had approached them, consequently ending said argument. She didn't know for sure how much she had witnessed, but she could guess Barriss had seen enough. She was put somewhat at ease to know at least, he wasn't angry with her, and that if she had made a mistake, he was feeling something other than anger about it.

"You're right," Ahsoka conceded after a moment, looking to her friend.

Barriss gave a small smile and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"There's something else, isn't there?" she prodded gently, searching Ahsoka's face. "Something else about your mission."

Ahsoka hesitated, her lips moving ever so subtly, not sure what to say.

\--

The next assignment was just between Anakin and Ahsoka; Obi-Wan was called to stay behind for vague Council matters. The Jedi Knight didn't take time to ponder it; he needed to be level-headed and focused, especially around Ahsoka.

It was a reconnaissance mission to an obscure Outer Rim planet, close to Tatooine. It was small, so-far lifeless but it was open for a base. There were iron ore deposits beneath its forest terrain, making it a planet that could not be given to the Separatists, and would provide use to the Republic. It also served as a stepping stone to closer, inhabited planets of the Outer Rim; to beat back the Separatists, or keep them from discovering this planet would be an advantage.

The two Jedi touched down in a stable clearing, a smooth landing. Anakin grabbed his cloak and his sabers and his Padawan followed quietly. Her Force presence was restless, circling nearing his as if nervous, on edge, unhappy. He rejected looking into her presence, knowing what he would find. They didn't talk, and it didn't feel right. But there weren't other options, keeping an eye out for any possible signs of life - or signs the Separatists had discovered the lonely place.

They travelled for several hours, cataloging anything they found important. Discussion was brief. The air was tense between them, and towards sundown, when they decided to rest for the night, he could feel her gently prod him in the Force. Almost like a child, tugging on their parent's sleeve.

They were sitting across from one another, their rolled up sleeping bags used as cushions behind them and a slow burning fire between them. Eating rations with reluctance - more from Ahsoka than Anakin, as Anakin would eat anything as he knew what it meant to starve, while she was carnivorous and they both knew these made her almost sick - there was no conversation. They were lost, distant.

"Master?" she said quietly, looking up at him. Quiet, as if she'd disturb some nonexistent life.

He controlled his initial thought to stiffen up, recognizing that tone. "Yeah, Snips?"

She looked away for a second, hiding her expression behind long lashes. "Can we please talk about what happened on Mortis?"

He stared into the fire, eyes dulling, unseeing. It was a second before; "Now really isn't the best time - "

"Why? Why isn't it?" she immediately asked, rapid fire, like a dam bursting. "Did I do something wrong? You keep shutting me out, Master and I just want to know what happened."

"Ahsoka," he said firmly, cutting off any more from her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Her eyes were sad, confused, lost. "Then why won't you talk to me?"

He sighed, looking from her and back to the fire. His mechnohand gripped the opposite sleeve, tense, uncomfortable and he hoped she didn't notice. "You didn't do anything wrong," he repeated. "A lot - a lot happened on Mortis. A lot of bad things. I just need time to - "

He didn't know how to end that so he stopped himself, not looking at his Padawan. A pathetic excuse for a Master.

"Master, if you talk to me, we can do this together," she said hopefully. He could feel her Force presence circling his again, asking permission, trying to bond, to look inside.

But he pushed her out, withdrawing into himself. It coiled like a snake, defensive and kept its energy within, crackling like lightning contained.

Ahsoka felt the rejection and the pain that crossed her face made Anakin wince. He wanted to protect her - if she knew, if she knew… she'd never forgive him, never trust him, and he just needed time. Needed time to think out how to break it to her, how to explain himself, but he didn't have those answers and if he told her now, he felt like they'd fall apart.

"Master… you promised," she said softly, not looking at him.

The rest of what she didn't say hung between them; _you've never broken a promise to me._

"And I'm not going to break that promise, Snips. I'll never break a promise to you," he swore, insistent, leaning closer. "I just… here and now isn't the place and time."

There was a long silence, and it took him a moment to realize she was still close to him in the Force, running along their training bond. She was waiting.

"I could never hate you, Master," Ahsoka said abruptly, breaking the careful silence. "No matter what happened, you're still my Master. And you're my friend. Just don't leave me in the dark, okay?"

She sounded so small and he was struck with how young she was. She was only fifteen. She didn't deserve this. To be left wondering, to have these things happen to her. Guilt twisted inside him and he nearly felt sick.

"I won't, Ahsoka, I won't."

He took first watch that night. It was long and silent and he tensed at every whisper in the tree. He found the dark that he once liked no longer looked so inviting. When it was her time for watch, he still didn't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's Barriss! I was going to continue the conversation between Ahsoka and Barriss but in the end scrapped it. I'll let y'all decide how that went down.   
> Obi-Wan took a break this chapter but we will be seeing him again, I promise.


	4. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving forward is slow, but it's progress nonetheless.
> 
> [Advice Quip: You cannot do it by yourself; it is not a failure to admit you need help.]

War brought the troops to the Outer Rim planet reconnaissance with Anakin and Ahsoka had taken place on not a few weeks before; it was muddy, rainy and unpleasant. The scent of burning wet trees and rusting droids ensnared everything; it felt like it was in their clothes and in their skin. The uneven forest terrain gave the droid army of the CIS a hard time, but it didn't make it any easier for the clones and their Jedi generals either. It was a miserable existence, battling the elements as well as the enemy. Bleak and unending it seemed; the Droids were desperate to find steady purchase in the Outer Rim closer to the Mid Rim, close to a hyperspace highway, and the Republic just as needy to prevent it. Slogging through the muck, the 501st, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka led the charge and pushed back at the droids. Progress was slow, draining, and if they were lesser people, they might have given in under the severity of the conditions. 

"I'm worried about General Skywalker."

There is no announcement; only this. The comment had not been the topic at hand but one couldn't say it was entirely out of the blue.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka turned to Captain Rex, who had approached the tent soundlessly until his comment alerted them of his presence.

"Er, permission to speak freely, General Kenobi?" he amended as an afterthought. Obi-Wan was much more the "General" than Anakin was, and so the casual nature had to be straightened out.

"Go on, Rex," Obi-Wan replied, granting permission informally.

Rex glanced around, helmet in hand to be sure Anakin wasn't within ear shot - he was inside a tent pouring over their next move after a forced retreat. "Well, he's not acting like himself, sir. He's agitated and distant. Been this way since you returned."

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan exchanged a glance before looking back at Rex. Agitated wasn't exactly new for Anakin; the young man was as moody as they came, more emotional than the recommendation for Jedi.

"Agitated?" Obi-Wan asked, cupping his chin with one hand thoughtfully.

"Not angry, or, not at us. But - he paces. Doesn't sleep too well. Sometimes he has no feelings and then gets real frustrated out of the blue," Rex elaborated quietly.

He let them consider that before adding, "It may be Jedi business that's bugging him. Just thought I'd bring it to your attention."

Obi-Wan nodded. "You did the right thing, Rex. Do keep an eye on him."

Rex nodded with a  salute. "Yes sir."

"You're dismissed," Obi-Wan said and Rex turned on his heel and walked away.

Obi-Wan stroked his beard in thought while Ahsoka stood by, thrumming with nervous energy.

"Master Kenobi… We know Anakin doesn't have any other 'Jedi business'… right?" she asked, concern bleeding into her voice.

Obi-Wan nodded, but his eyes were focused elsewhere. "Do you think it has to do with our little excursion?"

Ahsoka's markings furrowed. "I do. He hasn't been the same. He hasn't talked to me like he used to. I don't know how to help him."

Obi-Wan carefully put his hand on her shoulder, so she looked up at him. "You're not responsible for Anakin. You're his Padawan, not his caretaker. Don't burden yourself with looking after him."

"But - " She didn't like the sound of that. She knew what he meant; she was allowed to care, encouraged to see he was well and himself. But she was not a medic, not his master, not his caretaker. She was younger and less experienced. But the words sounded so cold, sure in a way she wasn't.

"I know you're worried for him. I am too. I will speak to him, and the Council. The events of Mortis are affecting him - and will affect those around him if he doesn't seek help," Obi-Wan explained. "But… this is Anakin. It will take some time, and patience."

Ahsoka nodded, conceding to his logic. He was right. And she was put at ease, at least a little, knowing he was going to take action in a way she couldn't. There was a small worm of guilt inside her, like she was going behind her Master's back. But his actions were taking a toll on other people and she didn't want it to go on.

Obi-Wan held eye contact with her. "Are you alright, Ahsoka?"

She held his gaze for a moment before looking away. "I think so. I don't… know what happened still. Anakin refuses to talk about it. It must have been awful, but he won't tell me. I think he's scared and that worries me."

Obi Wan nodded. "Thank you, Ahsoka. But besides Anakin, do you need help?"

She shook her head. "I think I'm alright. I just want Anakin to be himself again."

There was a long pause between them. Obi-Wan, even if he suspected there was more to her unhappiness than just Anakin being unlike himself and the strain of that on their bond, would not push it. When he pushed against Anakin, whether in person or in the Force, he only drew closer in on himself or lashed out. He didn't want to do the same with Ahsoka, especially when she already seemed fragile. He waited for her to speak more if she wanted, or to change the subject.

Ahsoka glanced around. Night was beginning to fall and the clones were setting up for various night watch positions. The rain was starting to let up, now a faint drizzle that could barely be felt or seen. Lights went out every few seconds as the camp quieted for the night. Anakin still had not emerged from his tent; no light was glowing to show a silhouette. Perhaps he was trying to sleep for once. She hoped he was.

"Master Obi-Wan… do you know what happened on Mortis?"

The worm of guilt returned again, gnawing her insides. She knew Anakin had promised to speak with her, and going behind him to seek the truth seemed impatient and breaking of his trust. But she wanted - she _needed_  to know. It was driving her mad inside, to not know, to wonder how bad it was, to only have fragments - landing, the Daughter, the trial and then dark… Dark and empty before her Master embracing her, tucking her close to his chest, feeling and hearing his heartbeat. He didn't normally do that but he felt so scared and she was so confused. She wanted to believe Anakin would tell her in time, but it was wearing her down to sit in the dark while he… avoided it. Avoided her.

Obi-Wan looked to be going through the same dilemma. Can he tell her? Should he? He knew Anakin, he knew his reluctance to admit his failures, what he perceived to be his fault. Not because he was arrogant, because he thought he could no wrong; but because he didn't want to be a disappointment. So much weight on his shoulders, and this was just another weight, another thing to bring him down. But he'd feel he'd have to carry it, or otherwise hurt his Padawan. Anakin didn't want to hurt people.

"I remember, being there, and the Daughter, and the Son and the Trial… but then it goes dark. All I remember is waking up. Did I do something wrong?"

It was this that led Obi-Wan to tell her.

"I can't say for certain what Anakin knows or even remembers. But you both… did things you wouldn't normally do. You weren't yourselves. The Dark Side was prevalent and clouded your judgments. You can't be blamed for that, I want you to know that, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan told her. "Mortis was… something else. It took a heavy toll on the both of you."

It was vague, but it was what he had to give while maintaining Anakin's dignity and privacy. Furthermore, he was keeping Ahsoka's dignity, even if she didn't know it. It was an act of prevention; she would not be hurt, would not be ashamed if she didn't know of her brief experience in the Dark Side - and the knowledge it had cost her life. Perhaps Anakin would tell her; as much as Obi-Wan felt she was his friend, almost like a Padawan of his own, she wasn't, not by the Council, and it was not his place to tell her these things. Not if he could spare her the internal agony and worry.

Ahsoka looked like she wanted to ask more, but held back. Having a little bit more information was enough to subdue her for now. At least, she thought, she knew that something did indeed happen. She hadn't been herself. Neither had Anakin. But in the end, she was not bad, and things were… they weren't alright, but it could have been worse. She could have died.

"What about you, Master? It hurt Master Skywalker, and it took my memories away. What happened to you?"

There was a long silence. Obi-Wan was much more efficient in blocking the probing nature of Ahsoka's Force signature; both in that their bond was not as close-knit, but also he was much older and more experienced. He remembered everything. The vision - Qui-Gon - no, it could not be Qui-Gon, because Qui-Gon was _dead,_ had been _dead_ , it was a _trick_ , nothing more - and he remembered trying to stop Anakin from the darkness and he remembered Ahsoka, laying there lifeless and -

He could not tell her. Some things he was still reeling from himself and besides, it was inappropriate for him to burden such a young Padawan with his experiences. Still, he had to offer her something to keep her from feeling vulnerable.

"I saw illusions of people long past, of things that couldn't be. It was a cruel place, nothing more. It's best we acknowledge it happened and moved forward. Sometimes things happen we can't explain, but to dwell on them won't help us. It's certainly not helping Anakin," he told her.

She looked more put at ease at this and even cracked the tiniest hopeful smile. "I understand, Master Obi-Wan. Thank you."

His mouth didn't move but his eyes smiled and that meant the world. "I think we ought to rest now, hm?"

She nodded and headed off to her tent. Her gait was slow, exhausted but tinged with relief. She would rest better tonight.

Obi-Wan sighed when she was gone, out of ear shot. He was resigned to speaking with the Council about Anakin; something he didn't like to do. Anakin didn't like it - being spoken about without having fair say, being forced to be held to higher standards. Obi-Wan didn't like it either; talking about him and having to pretend he didn't have the emotional stake that he did and afraid that if he gave into the Council's decision (his decision, too, unanimous or not, because he was a Council member no matter how much he tried to look at it from the outside), that Anakin would feel betrayed he didn't defend him--as Master to former Padawan, from friend to friend.

But Anakin was not getting better and he needed to be. For Ahsoka, for the war, for the Prophecy, for himself.

\---

Anakin could pretend he didn't hear them. But he did. He was trying to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. He could hear them, could feel the worry and anxiety from Ahsoka. He knew they meant well, that Ahsoka was just searching for answers and Obi-Wan was being the responsible Master he was supposed to be (the master Anakin couldn't be.) But it still cut and cut deep; they danced around him, words playing in his head. He wasn't recovering fast enough, wasn't hiding it well enough. He was weak, just failing again. He had promised he wouldn't, but here he was, on some Outer Rim planet, with the sound of his Master's words in his head _you weren't yourself_  playing in his head. At least, it blocked out the screaming this time, the deep mechanical breathing.

When he felt Obi-Wan enter, his back was to the tent opening, a hard line, unmoving. He slowed his breathing but Obi-Wan knew him; he was not sleeping. But Obi-Wan didn't prod, just took off his boots and lay in the cot across from him. His presence was a comfort; his signature was different from his own, quiet, a low hum.

He would get better, he promised. It had only been a few weeks. Just a little more time, see enough battle for it to be pushed back. When he could think calmly, when the sounds went away, he'd sit Ahsoka down and tell her everything, like he promised. Obi-Wan had even made it easier, he convinced himself; he could just start where he left off and make her understand.

Anakin had sworn he was better than this; back on Tatooine, after he had slaughtered the Sand People, after he had lost his mother due to months of torture. He had sworn he would not fail like that again; but the shame lingered yet and he felt it in full force now. He was better than this, he knew he was.  Perhaps, then, it had been the words of a grieving man, the words of a vulnerable boy, helpless and lashing out. But arrogance suited better than pity; he wore it once, he could do it again. The Jedi way did not allow for emotional insecurity - there is no emotion, only peace. False bravado masqueraded as peace; he knew this.

And in time, he would get better. He had to.

For the first time since they returned from Mortis, Anakin reached out to Obi-Wan in the Force, edging along their training bond. _I'm trying_. But Obi-Wan was stagnant, cold - because he was asleep, or because he was rejecting him, Anakin couldn't be sure. But he pulled away again, retreating back to himself and curled up tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered including the Council scene at the end here, but I didn't think it fit with the mood of the chapter. Things are moving along, albeit slowly. We're getting somewhere. The next chapter should have some more excitement for you.


	5. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting better only works when you're honest. Recovery is a long and slow process. Decisions are made, but no one is happy. 
> 
> [Advice Quip: Lying is a temporary solution. Your body will out you.]

"No, I don't feel that would be a very good idea, Master Windu," Obi-Wan objected, respectful but with a certain sure edge.

"Then what should we do, Master Kenobi?" Windu asked, folding his hands in his lap and quirking a brow. "You've just told us that Skywalker may not be as well as we thought he would be. And his Padawan is being affected by his behavior as well as… that mission gone awry."

Obi-Wan stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I'm not entirely sure. But an obvious watch on Anakin will certainly tip him off and feel as we don't trust him. I don't -- "

"Trust him, do you?" Yoda cut in, looking up at Obi-Wan. His eyes were searching; like he knew the answer but was waiting for Obi-Wan to say it.

"I do. I trust Anakin with my life," he said, a little too quickly. And he knew it too. But it was true. He did trust Anakin, regardless of what had happened. Even when he gave into the Dark Side on Mortis, he came back to the Light. If that was any indicator of Anakin's dedication to good, he would always defend Anakin.

"But this isn't about my personal trust," he added smoothly, ever the Negotiator. "It's about Anakin's safety. He might become… upset should we show we don't trust him. He may feel inadequate, and that might make matters worse. Especially regarding Padawan Tano."

Ki-Adi-Mundi crossed his arms over his chest, his sense of disbelief thick in the air, in the Force. The older master's view of the supposed Chosen One had always been clear. He never truly liked or placed his faith in him, entirely critical of the man's impulsive actions and shortcomings. Not that it wasn't warranted, but there was a beauty in being subtle that he didn’t have.

"Then, as Master Windu asked, what is your plan?"

The response was nearly biting, but Obi-Wan took it in stride. "I believe Padawan Tano and Anakin should have some time apart, to avoid tension. Give them separate assignments, and keep Anakin from the front lines."

There was a strike of unease there - remove The Hero With No Fear again, when he was needed most? - but he pushed on. "And I believe they should both revisit the Healers. Perhaps wounds ran deeper than we first thought, and are just now truly showing."

The Council considered this, murmuring between them. Various emotions clashed in the Force - trust, distrust, resentment, thoughtfulness, consideration. Obi-Wan felt them and pushed them out in turn, keeping his breathing even and expression changeless. To understand but not feel or become wrapped up in the emotions of other people was what Obi-Wan considered the pinnacle of being a Jedi; it demonstrated the Force working through and around the Jedi, but the Jedi not weaponizing it. Peaceful interaction; there is no passion, there is serenity.

Shaak Ti's holo-self twitched as she shifted, raising a hand expressively. "And how do you propose we watch Skywalker, Master Kenobi? If not a direct watch, then what?"

Even as a hologram, her dark eyes were compassionate. There was a fondness to her, unique to her as a being. It was present on Kamino, around the clones she oversaw, cared for, and trained. (It was insinuated, somewhat, through the barracks and ranks of the GAR that she was akin to a 'mother' and even though the Jedi would forbid any attachment of that nature, Obi-Wan found it endearing.) It was very nearly tied to her as a Force presence. Obi-Wan appreciated her and her kind, but firm, nature.

"It needs to be subtle. Someone he won't notice or feel… threatened by watching him. Someone who knows him well and so can pick out the unhealthy behaviors and feelings," Obi-Wan mused.

"You wouldn't happen to be suggesting yourself, would you?" Master Fitso almost sounded amused, looking to Obi-wan with a raised brow and his black eyes glimmering. He thought he saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

Had he been a younger man, he might have looked what would be called 'sheepish.' "I do suppose I am."

"But can we trust you to not let your attachment to Skywalker to not get in the way?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked, disregarding subtlety altogether.

Obi-Wan regarded him coolly, not a hint of offense rising from him. "If you could not trust me, I would not be here telling you what I know about Anakin. I would only be speaking on behalf of Padawan Tano. The fact that Anakin is my former Padawan and friend is irrelevant. My attachment is no stronger, no more risky than Windu and Billaba."

Master Windu covered his mouth with his hand; a small show of amusement. Obi-Wan pretended he didn't notice, only a twitch of his hand on the armrest of his chair indicating to the older Master that he saw.

"Trust you, we do," Yoda said, breaking the contact between Ki-Adi-Mundi and Oi-Wan. "Tasked with this you are. To watch Skywalker and report to us, you will. Fail us, you will not."

Obi-Wan stood from his chair, hands in his sleeves, bowing respectfully foremost to Yoda, but symbolically everyone who was seated. "I will not fail you. I will update you on Anakin's status as I can."

Informally dismissed, he turned and headed out of the Council's chambers, cloak flaring behind him. He was halfway along his way to finding Ahsoka - or finding a way to contact her - to let her know the Council would soon be speaking with her when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Kenobi." It was informal, but still respectful, and the deep voice of Windu was assuring. He turned a little to face him.

"Windu, do you need something?" he said lightly, allowing Windu to catch up to him.

"I wanted to speak just one on one," he replied, casual, like a friend instead a Council member.

Obi-Wan's shoulders lowered, relaxed, his hands still tucked into his robes.

"Of course," he invited, the barest hint of a smile, assurance.

Windu didn't smile. Obi-Wan went back to the usual reserved expression he wore.

"Are you sure you can handle this, Obi-Wan?" Windu asked. It was polite, a check of sincerity.

"I'm quite sure. I'm more worried about Ahsoka--she seemed to be regaining some of her memories, but I'm afraid an interrogation by the Council will make her afraid of what happened. Or bring up bad memories," Obi Wan answered.

"I understand. We didn’t send you on that mission for you to come back like this. It was really… something else. Between what you described on Mortis and all of it happening within a few moments in real time, according to your troops… She's holding together rather well."

Obi-Wan nodded, eyes to the floor. Solemn. The look of her lifeless body lying there, the sound of Anakin begging to bring her back, that the Father had to be able to do something; it was coming back in force. Obi-Wan was an emotionally put-together individual, but even some things could pierce his armor. Seeing something like that had shaken him, though he'd held together for the sake of Anakin and Ahsoka.

"Does she know?" Windu asked quietly, stopping their slow walk.

Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't think so. It seemed she remembered going there, meeting the Father, the Son and the Daughter, but… she doesn't seem to remember her trip to the Dark Side. Or… dying."

The words were hard to get out, like they burned his throat. It was a little easier knowing only Mace knew, that Obi-Wan was speaking to a friend rather than a member of the Council.

"And she doesn't recall Anakin being tricked by the Son into the Dark Side either. Which is good. It's over now, and Anakin is - he's not the same but he's certainly not evil. There's no reason to tell her, unless Anakin wishes to."

Windu seemed to object to that idea but politely declined a rebuttal to his statement. He didn't want to argue, just to talk. He thought about what Obi-Wan said and eventually nodded. "I can't say for certain you're right but you make a good point. As long as she's not in danger, there's no point at putting her at risk of doubting herself."

They continued their walk, leisurely and quiet for a couple of hallways. It was nice, picturesque even. The way the Jedi should be. Not soldiers, not warriors, but mentors, teachers and _friends_  who discussed, conversed and sometimes just enjoyed the silence. They approached the hallway that led to Anakin and Ahsoka's shared quarters. It was customary for Padawans and Masters to room together until the Padawan graduated to Knighthood, where they would get their own private quarters, and the cycle continued. This was established when there had been many more Jedi, so that it was a way to not only bond but save room altogether. It was bittersweet to reminiscence for a moment.

"Do you ever feel as though Master Yoda made a mistake assigning her to Skywalker?" Windu asked. It was an innocent enough question, but the meaning was hinted. _S_ _hould she have been given to you?_

His answer was hesitant. "I did, initially, question his judgement when he first told me he wanted to assign her to him. But Anakin is doing a fine job. Do you not trust him?"

"I think he lacks the discipline. Not that that's on you," Windu replied easily enough. "He's too --"

"Reckless?" Obi-Wan offered. He'd heard it before. Too reckless, too impatient, too arrogant. He'd thought the same thing before. Occasionally it was still a lingering thought.

"Young."

Obi-Wan made an apologetic gesture. "Forgive me. But you're right… unfortunately… so many of them are. Tano herself was chosen before most younglings are to become Padawans. But this is a war. And… if Anakin is the Chosen One, he must… be an exception, really."

"Does he?"

The question was a musing, mutual; it was doubt.

Obi-Wan was quiet.

"At least, that's what others believe, isn't it?"

* * *

 

"They're taking her away from me? Come on, what did I do wrong?"

Despite being in his twenties, Anakin had a way of pulling off a good near-whine. He had his hands raised in exasperation, a wrench clutched in one from where he was working on a droid. Obi-Wan didn't exactly blame him, given the circumstances, but he did find it childish.

"Come now Anakin don't think of it like that," Obi-Wan chided, stepping into the room from the doorway. "It's more of an assessment on her part and besides, you get to work on the war trials with Senator Amidala."

The comment was meant to be in jest, knowing his former Padawan's friendship with the Senator. He always suspected there might be more, but he never outright said the words. Anakin nearly flared up in defense.

"Why would I be interested in that?" Anakin asked, trying too hard and yet not enough to act like he didn't like the idea.

Obi-Wan smirked. "No reason."

They both held off true smiles and Anakin went on, more solemn now.

"…do you think Ahsoka is okay?" he asked, quiet. "I… I thought she was doing better. Remembering more. I - I was going to talk to her about it, but now…"

He gestured to the empty air, toward her room.

"Anakin, it's not your fault the Council sent her back to the healers. It's just a check up to make sure the returning memories aren't causing more trauma. They feel it's best if you two… have a break, per se," Obi-Wan said gently, trying to ease his worries. "It's not a punishment. They're just trying to help."

Anakin didn't protest, but the unhappy look on his face didn't change either. The feeling of inadequacy and disdain roiled in the Force bond between them, like waves beating against a rock. Obi-Wan acknowledged the feelings but kept his Force presence close.

"I know you don't like it, but it's necessary. You two will be back together and back in the action in no time," Obi-Wan went on. "I'm sure Ahsoka is fine. She's tough - and stubborn. Much like her Master."

Anakin cracked a cocky smile at that one. "You're right. Snips'll be okay. And then back to the war effort."

"After _you_  see the healers again, of course," Obi-Wan reminded.

Anakin sighed, rolling his eyes.

* * *

 

"There seems to be no further trauma, Padawan Tano," the healer, a pale blue Twi'lek, commented, pulling away from the prone padawan.

Ahsoka sat up. "So I'm good to go?"

"Not quite," she commented with a little smile. "We need to discuss what more you remember."

She sighed. She'd already recalled what she could to the Council. It seemed like the Council and the healers didn't communicate well, if at all. If they did, this would go much smoother. Instead she was on a loop of repeating herself, feeling like a broken holo.

"We were sent to the coordinates to meet Rex and the Jedi cruiser after a mysterious distress call. When we arrived… something went wrong and we were 'gone' for a few days, waking up on the ship. But the scanners on Rex's ship only showed we were gone for minutes. So Master Skywalker didn't tell him what happened."

The Healer took note of this and gestured her to continue.

"There was a planet - Mortis - where these… beings were. They and the planet were really strong in the Force. It felt… weird," she went on. "The Daughter found us first and told us to be cautious of her brother. There was a trial for Master Skywalker to… to prove if he was 'the One' where Master Kenobi and I were used as tools."

More notes. "I assumed Skywalker was successful, as you are here?"

She nodded and admitted quietly, "Well, yes, but… it was still scary…"

A sympathetic smile. "I understand. And then what?"

Ahsoka sighed. This was going to be a long healer's visit. She began telling the next portion of the story, as much as she could remember. Between the last visit and this one, she had remembered more than just the arrival and the trial. She remembered a fuzzy vision of her older self, giving her a warning. But she couldn't believe what she heard - that there was darkness in Anakin and that she wouldn't survive if she remained his student. It seemed illogical and made her feel cold to the bone. She didn't admit this freely to the Healer, however; only that she'd seen a dark vision that led them to believe Anakin was in trouble and they had to find him. This was what had led to their capture, she had explained.

When the Healer prodded and pried, she eventually gave up the information, feeling guilty as if she had incriminated Anakin with her answer. _What did the vision say? That there were seeds of the dark side in me…. Planted by my master._ She tried to explain it was probably just worriedness manifested, but the Healer's posture indicated she had already made her mind up about what that vision meant for Anakin. Ahsoka hung her head as she was told she could leave, but would not be allowed in combat for some time.

That was alright by her, in any case. She didn't think she would be the best commander right now anyway, between returning memories, emotional distress, tension with her Master and heightened emotional sensitivity. The last symptom seemed new, but had been steadily building since the return from Mortis. At first, when she was deeply in tuned with Anakin's Force signature, she presumed it was their bond. But now it was nearly every Force sensitive being she felt as if she was bonded to them, which left her incredibly exhausted and emotionally overwrought. She tried to not fret or talk about it, so that they wouldn't worry about her - another thing she didn't tell the Healers. It made her feel guilty to hide her feelings, especially when they were trying to look out for her, but she thought it wasn't that important - with Anakin's insomnia and increasingly inconsistent or constantly negative emotions, he was a bigger worry, not to mention the injured Jedi from combat.

Perhaps, she thought, this symptom too will pass. Besides, Barriss even said she seemed to glow sometimes when she was focused, that must be a good sign.

* * *

 

Anakin left the Temple as soon as his visit to the Healers was over. It was the usual spiel - check his vitals, ask him how he's doing. He plastered on a smile and said he was doing fine, better even. He said he was starting to get better sleep and his memory of Mortis was as it had been when he first told the Council - he went, his friends were kidnapped, he saved them, had a vision of his mother preaching Jedi wisdom, there was a blank, that the beings there thought he was a savior - the old chosen one myth - and then suddenly they're awake in hyperspace, arriving at the rendezvous point. Nothing had changed, nothing was different. No new memories. No reason to worry.

She relented in letting him leave with a sigh. Before he could say anything, she told him what Obi-Wan already had; she didn't want him in combat yet, that his Jedi duties would keep him stationed on Coruscant. He thanked her, regulated his expressions and speech as he headed out, and then to Padme's apartment. He was cleared for duty and knew, after this, he'd be sent on a tour soon, with or without Ahsoka.

He should have felt guilty lying to the Healers, but he didn't. He and Obi-Wan had a private agreement to not speak of Ahsoka involvement in the Dark Side, or Ahsoka's death and reanimation with the Council and the Healers. It was initially in regards for Ahsoka's wellbeing - other Jedi knowing before her seemed harmful and wrong - and Obi-Wan wanting to respect Anakin. He felt Anakin would tell Ahsoka when she was ready, or by her own memory, and she could deal with that information as she felt was appropriate.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan thought Anakin didn't remember what had happened to him. Of course Obi-Wan knew, he was witness to it, and didn't have his memories revoked. Obi-Wan conceded that the Father must have revoked his memories and that he would not bring up what must be in the gap - it would just make him sad, Obi-Wan had figured. And what did it matter if Anakin was back to himself? Bringing it up now would just assist the downward slope his recovery had seemed to be on. And Obi-Wan vowed he'd never give the Council a reason to mistrust Anakin, especially after defending him. This didn't prevent him from privately prodding, asking gently if he remembered anything serious.

Anakin had lied and said there was a gap in his memory. Anakin played along.

He'd never join the Dark Side willingly.

He'd never admit he had.

He pushed the creeping thoughts away before making his way to Padme's apartment. It was amazing what a few little mind tricks and purposefully walking with confidence could do. He hadn’t had the time to com Padme and Threepio was the one to answer the door.

"My, Master Ani, what a surprise to see you here at this hour. Are you alright? Is there an emergency?"

The nervous droid looked behind Anakin for some sign of distress, checking if he was alone and if he was battered. Anakin snorted softly at the reaction, reminding himself he designed him to be this way. He smiled easily enough.

"No, Threepio, everything is alright. I just came to see Padme," he said with a laugh and with a little 'oh dear okay' C-3PO moved out of the way to let him in.

As Anakin crossed the foyer to see his busy wife, all smiles, brightened by her comforting presence, the golden droid watched from a distance. He didn't grasp that it was forbidden the way he held her, the way her nose gently touched his, but he said nothing. He knew they were both happy - he was as observant as they came, it was his programming - but it was Jedi rules which made that happiness wrong. He supposed he didn't get Jedi rules, then; that was not in his programming. But when he'd first come into Mistress Padme Amidala's care, he had known something had changed and he had to keep that unnamed change a secret. When the couple moved to Padme's bedroom, whispering to themselves, he pretended he didn't notice and busied himself with a simple task.

When they were out of 3PO's line of sight, Padme turned to Anakin and kissed him deeply.

"Is everything okay Ani? You never visit this late," she murmured, her brown eyes warm and honest.

He brushed a hand through her hair, smiling down at her. She was so beautiful, so bright and good. He felt warmer around her, lighter. "I'm okay. But the Healers saw me again today, and I was told I'll be working on a war trial with you, as your Jedi protector. Ahsoka was sent to do a different task by the Council, and Obi-Wan never asks for me. I'm all yours."

She smiled back at him, dazzling and pure. "I'm happy to see you again. I'll feel safe knowing you're with me."

"And I feel safe with you."

It was cheesy, and he knew it. But the laugh that followed, the little shake of her head was worth it. There was a moment without words, just staring into each other's faces and time seemed to slow. He looked at her like he was memorizing the lines of her face, the softness of her eyes and the curve of her smile. She did make him feel safe. As if he stayed here with her, nothing could get him. No memories, no violence, nothing.

He kissed her softly then got ready for bed. After discarding her elaborate gown and his obi, tabard and shoes, they tangled in bed together. Spooning sweetly, nuzzling against her shoulder he fell asleep. He went to sleep easily enough, distracted by her sweet smell and softness to not think about anything else. They wouldn't ask for him, he thought, they'll just think I arrived for duty early. The bed felt more comfortable than his own. He thought he'd get a good night's rest, in comparison to the tossing and turning and waking up in a cold sweat sort of sleep he'd been having. He was warm and safe and comfortable now. He was out cold before he knew it, Padme sleeping beside him.

And then he woke up, bolting up and screaming.


End file.
